My newborn [C]son, your life has just be[Am]gun
I’m so happy I could [F]cry I’m a father for the [G]first time to[C]night
I’m gonna to raise you [C]right I’m gonna to show you all the [Am]finest things in life
There’s so much for you to [F]see You get to do it all with [G]me, my little [C]guy
I’ll show you how to place a [F]bet on a winning [C]horse
And why a ciga[G]rette should be smoked in[Am]doors
I’ll [G]teach you how to [F]dunk with a trampo[C]line
I’ll show you how to [G]text and drive with your [Am]knees
[G]Hey kid, [F]you’re in luck Your daddy’s [G]smart as fuck
I’ll give you [C]everything you [Am]need [G]...To [F]be a [G]perfect man like [C]me
I’ll teach you how to in[C]vest Take a dollar a [Am]day and put it under your bed
At the end of the [F]year, you’ll have $36[G]5 That you can spend on a bass gui[C]tar
And when it comes to [C]chicks I’ll show you all my [Am]favorite go-to tricks
Tell them you have a tiny [F]dick Then they’ll want to see your [G]dick
And your dick will seem [C]huge compared to what they expected because of what you told them
[Dm]...[G]...[C]...[Am]...[Dm]...[G]...[C]...[Am]
[F]You have so much shit to learn, my beautiful [G]boy
Like how to [F]shoot a van with a paintball [C]gun
And how to drink [G]mouthwash until you’re [Am]drunk
I’ll [G]show you how to [F]jump off a moving [C]train
I’ll teach you how to [G]secretly finger your own asshole at a [Am]steakhouse
[G]Hey kid, [F]you lucked out I’m the [G]best around
I’ll give you [C]everything you [Am]need [G]...To [F]be a [G]perfect man like [C]me
